I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
