I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
