Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
