All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize