I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
