I faked an abortion last night.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
