btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
