Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
