i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
