i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
