Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
