i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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