i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize