Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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