What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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