Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
3 2 1 whiskey
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
