Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
