Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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