and she was petting her beer can
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
