I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
