I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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