Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
