When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My balls are so social today.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
