my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
