so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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