I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have demons in me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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