I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
