just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
