I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
