I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
