i just google imaged poop.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wear drunk well.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
