I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
