Don't make out with my wife yet
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
