Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
