All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
