I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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