Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
