Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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