He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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