everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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