Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
