Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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