Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
zippers are such a cool invention
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
