Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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