I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
