"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
