I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
