I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I party with great urgency now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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