cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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