Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
