I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
