I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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